I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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