I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
