is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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