I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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