My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
