the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to have your abortion
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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