maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
