weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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