Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
