yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
