As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
