If that was your dad, he is hot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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