Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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