She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
