My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
