He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
