I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
