his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
