I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
