i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
