My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
