I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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