Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
