No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
