her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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