omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
