I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
