oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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