That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
