They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
