So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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