i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want her autograph on my taint
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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