I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
