If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
