i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize