so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was confusing and full of hummus
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
