you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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