Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
