It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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