Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
