so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize