The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are all done wearing pants today
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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