I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize