YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
