Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize