I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
