she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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