Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
