just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
