Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
