so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
