you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
