Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
