She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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