seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
