umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
