I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
