I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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