We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just invented taco cereal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
