we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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