Already got asked if we're dating
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
