that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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