rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
