I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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