why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
