Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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