@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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