She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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