I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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