Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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