I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize