Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
