Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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