It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
