Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
