remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize