where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
