rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
