i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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