fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
