The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
