The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
