I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
