i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
